I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
whose parrot is this?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
