I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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