I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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