Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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