It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
