i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
