You really coming over, don't trick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
