4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
