you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
