Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
