So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
