He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
