Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just had sex on a roof
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
