too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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