I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
