toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
