She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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