i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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