A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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