the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The best revenge is premature balding
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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