ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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