Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We're too hungover to prance.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
