You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
