dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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