I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And the cops told us we were all naked.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We have started to decorate penises.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
