She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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