I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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