good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
