his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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