my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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