Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
