YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
