I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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