At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
