# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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