It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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