Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
