even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
