Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
