I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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