I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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