There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
