nut hugger
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
