Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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