Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
