it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
