I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
