Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Found the puke drawer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
