I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
