i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize