glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
