First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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