I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
