I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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