my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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