I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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