if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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