Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
