and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
