11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
