does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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